My Story: Finding the ‘I’ Of The Storm
As a child, I suffered many childhood illnesses and difficulties, including whooping cough, mono, bone infections, attention deficit disorder, a speech impediment, and ongoing anxiety.
During my teenage years, the crippling anxiety resulted in my feeling an overwhelming sense of social obligation, and as time progressed, my role as the ultimate ‘yes’ man caused my pent-up desires to turn into anger and frustration. I started to self-harm.
Even when most shut down, I was surrounded by incredible people and opportunities. Yet, I always skirted the commitment and follow-through that would have launched my passions toward their full potential. I missed out on the relationships that I felt drawn to explore, and the schools I would have attended, because ultimately, I was married to other people's needs, desires, and dreams. Eating tons of bread, looking pale, and feeling even dimmer, I was a puffy shadow of the person I knew I could become.
By 21 years old, I had invested 6 years into a relationship, was engaged to be married, and had a thriving healing business, yet I felt deeply defeated, and had developed a debilitating depression.
On one sleepless night, I lay alone in the dark on the floor of our living room. Relentless cycles of guilt, shame, obligation, and responsibility churned in my head. I began to experience a pain in my chest so severe that I thought I was having a heart attack.
My soul stood up at that moment; I could not go back. The curse of my obligation to others broke, and I chose to make a change in my life.
I practiced the yogic exercises that gave me the relief and expansion I was looking for. I began setting boundaries, and established a clear space for myself to reside within. I identified the root causes behind my suffering, and did the inner work necessary to release the pains of my past, and start creating the life I wanted, one day at a time.
My early experience was wrought with crippling anxiety, depression, and victimhood, so I know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed by the experience of others, or the pain of a difficult past. I can relate to feeling defeated and resigned in the face of dysfunctional coping mechanisms.
I studied with a spiritual teacher who held me in the possibility of transformation, and the attainment of the joy and fulfillment I yearned for.
When we embrace the task of dissolving the difficulties within, before facing the challenges in our outer lives, we open ourselves to a powerful and elegant path toward freedom and fulfillment.
My desire to break free from the heavy patterns that undermined my passion was a strong motivating force. I overcame the challenges I faced through years of committed practice and personal healing. By reaching into the depths of myself, and with time to mature spiritually, the appeal of temporary escapes and approval from others was replaced by the deeper sustenance of connection with my inner being.
I understood that I could develop an inner mastery of my life experience, without needing to avoid the natural fluctuations of life!
By following my inner knowing, getting the support I needed, and learning to integrate powerful practices into my life, I began to reclaim my natural self and fall back in love with life.
I offer an invitation to claim your own empowerment, freedom from suffering, and the joy of your natural being!
